Regulated Doesn’t Mean Calm
Yoga, Ayurveda and Somatic Wisdom for Modern Life - Episode 15
There’s a misunderstanding embedded in how nervous system regulation is often talked about in wellness spaces. That a regulated nervous system means a calm one. That the goal of all this work the yoga, the pranayama, the somatic practice - is a kind of settled, peaceful equanimity.
This episode challenges that idea.
What regulation actually means
Regulation doesn’t mean calm. It means capacity.
The ability to move, to activate when life calls for activation, to settle when settling is appropriate, and to return to a workable state after either. A regulated nervous system is a flexible one, a responsive one. One that can meet what’s actually happening rather than being locked in a fixed pattern regardless of what’s in front of it.
Sometimes the most regulated response to a situation is not calm at all. Sometimes it’s a clear no. A real boundary. An anger that says, proportionately and in a sort of integrrative way: This is not okay.
When that response is unavailable... when it’s been suppressed, smoothed over, or never really learned (because it wasn't safe to use anger, what often shows up in its place is something that looks like calm but isn’t. A managed surface. A faux settling / calm that holds a low-grade tension underneath.
What this episode explores
In this episode I talk about faux calm, the difference between genuine settling and the managed surface of dissociation or the fawn response. About spiritual bypassing in yoga and wellness spaces, and how the ideal of equanimity can sometimes become a way of avoiding rather than processing what actually needs to be felt.
I offer a different reading of Yoga Sutra 1.2... one that understands nirodha not as the suppression of the mind’s activity, but as the capacity to meet what arises without being overwhelmed or driven by it.
And I talk about something I see regularly in my capacity coaching work in Groningen and Eenrum ... and have know from the inside myself: Many people, particularly women, have lost access to a healthy fight response. Not aggression, but the capacity to feel and express anger in a way that is proportionate and grounded. Not because they don’t feel it, but because somewhere along the way that response was made unwelcome.
I talk about what happens in the body when anger is consistently suppressed over time... chronic tension, fatigue, immune dysregulation, hormonal disruption, and why Somatic Experiencing can be so specifically helpful here. Not through catharsis, but through gentle, titrated work with the body’s thwarted impulses.
Who this episode is for
For anyone who has wondered why the calm they’ve cultivated still feels a little hollow. For yoga practitioners who notice their practice is very even, very controlled, and perhaps a little flat. And for anyone ready to ask not “how do I get calmer?” but: what am I actually feeling right now? And what does it need?
Press play
Curious about capacity coaching in Groningen or Eenrum or our Ashtanga Yoga Program in Groningen? Find out more at the links and in case of any questions, I’d love to hear from you.
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